do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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