pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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