The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
