I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
