I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
