Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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