Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
