I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
