the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm too high and old for this...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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