i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
