Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
operation harelip BJ is a go
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
