I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
