Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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