Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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