I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
