Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
