i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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