Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
