Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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