I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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