Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
