I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
