dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
