I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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