fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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