The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
