I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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