come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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