Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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