im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We had sex on a dog bed..
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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