So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
