No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
