wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
