how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
