My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Barsexuality is the new black.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
