you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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