the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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