oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
