I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
