do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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