whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
