What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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