so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
