I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
