We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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