Why does Corona taste like a burp?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
