Where did you get a picture of my penis
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
