I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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