At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
