We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
