I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
