the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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