I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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