from now on my penis is your penis
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
