i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
