I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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