I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize