is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
she peed on how many people?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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