Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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