So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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