How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
