Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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