Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize