Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
