giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
