apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
