i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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