That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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