I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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