you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I FOUND THE LEGS
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
