I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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