So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize