What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
