And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
