I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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