I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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