there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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