Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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